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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Talents: eating!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,810

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Live now on TikTok:

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

This meeting could have been an unread email.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to stay awake during yet another unnecessary meeting like… 💤💻 #EmailsOverMeetings"

email, humor, meeting, office, productivity, sarcasm, time-wasting, unread, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

2 weeks ago
clarity, hindsight, humor, i, post-standing, post-standing clarity, self-reflection, sitting, standing, time, whole
I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

1 month ago
confidence, ego, humor, i, lack, me, playful, sarcasm, self-love, suffering, think, vitamin
Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

1 month ago
alien, buying, car, event, humor, imagination, imagine, new, superhero, unexpected, unexpected event
I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

1 week ago
communication, entertainment, foreign, foreign language, humor, i, just, know, language, languages, listening, misunderstanding, music, sometimes, speak, talking
I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

1 month ago
behave, humor, i, ID, maybe, myself, procrastination, reflection, saw, self-control, self-image, thought, today, told, tomorrow
Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

1 month ago
ask, awesome, beverages, cost, creativity, drinks, humor, juice, mocktails, much, question

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Sleeping nakey nakey nakey just in case Santa wants a different type of cookie tonight.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Just landed via Instagram:

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Shared recently on WeChat:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Just shared via Twitch:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

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Activity Log ✨

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

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Related Funny Posts 🤝

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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