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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,237

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Making waves on Discord:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Spotted on Reddit:

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

Breaking via YouTube:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Breaking via Slack:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

Just shared via Instagram:

Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

Making waves on Facebook:

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Going bananas on Messenger:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

This meeting could have been an unread email.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to stay awake during yet another unnecessary meeting like… 💤💻 #EmailsOverMeetings"

email, humor, meeting, office, productivity, sarcasm, time-wasting, unread, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

0

2 months ago

approachable, carrying, food, humor, interaction, joke, nachos, perfectly, plate, snack, social, social interaction
Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

0

2 months ago

attitude, everyone, good, humor, mood, morning, morning mood, nerf, sarcasm
I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

0

2 months ago

bed, coffee, daily, daily life, day, enough, humor, i, laziness, life, morning, morning routine, relaxation, routine, simple, simple life, start, start of day, think, woke
If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

0

2 months ago

entertainment, humor, i, me, need, pretending, routine, self-deprecating, shower, sing, singing
Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

0

2 months ago

baby, ever, job, serious, snitch, work
When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

0

3 months ago

dating, fake, fake version, fire, first meeting, humor, impression, man, meet, meeting, personality, relationship, version

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Instagram this month:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

75 shares on Instagram this month:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

17 shares on Discord this month:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

13 shares on Discord this month:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

76 shares on X this month:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

79 shares on Threads this month:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

44 shares on Slack this month:

I put the hot in psychotic.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Blink if you want me!

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Trending via TikTok:

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

Live now on Reddit:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

Making waves on Twitch:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Trending via Instagram:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Trending via Threads:

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

Seen just now on YouTube:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨