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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

36 minutes ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

Spotted on Facebook:

An introvert walked into a bar. Just kidding. The introvert stayed home.

Spotted on YouTube:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Freshly posted on Slack:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Making waves on Threads:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Making waves on Twitch:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Trending via Reddit:

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Shared recently on Reddit:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

6 months ago

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

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Commentary:
"Why are you still single?" they ask, unaware that singles are actually part of an exclusive secret society 🤫🤐 Their success lies in the mysterious oaths they've taken and the secret love potion they keep hidden in their mismatched socks drawer! 🧦💕 #SingleAndSecretive #SquadGoals

advice, ask, asking, humor, oath, people, relationships, secret, single, singles, success, tell

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

36 minutes ago

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I’m tired of adding ‘LOL’ to the end of my texts for sensitive people.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just in my room also hating on me.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on LinkedIn:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Going viral on Discord:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Seen just now on Facebook:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Trending via Discord:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Shared recently on Threads:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Spotted on Instagram:

How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?

Just shared via Discord:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Making waves on Facebook:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

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