Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

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Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

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Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

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The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

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Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

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I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

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Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

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If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.