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Commentary:
🔪💼 "Introducing the latest hit sensation: Downtown Stabby! Watch as crime takes a stab at the ordinary in this cutting-edge series. Warning: may cause sharp laughter and pointed suspense! 🔍🚓"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

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2 months ago

dislike, humor, i, mature, maturity, Monday, routine, week, whole, work
Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

0

2 months ago

craving, diet, food, food craving, grocery, grocery store, home, humor, i, irony, junk, junk food, mad, store, temptation, yesterday
The prettier you are, the weirder it gets.

0

2 months ago

appearance, beauty, humor, personality, prettier, weirdness
A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

0

2 months ago

acting, behavior, food, french, French onion soup, good, humor, onion, pervert, soup
I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

0

2 months ago

bottle, gym, holder, i, just, put, saw, someone, treadmill, water
Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

0

2 months ago

contemplation, couple, humor, i, intimacy, relationship, sex, wonder

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Messenger this month:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

80 shares on X this month:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

94 shares on Threads this month:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

51 shares on Threads this month:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

25 shares on Discord this month:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

39 shares on TikTok this month:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

Just landed via Slack:

Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

Just shared via Messenger:

I used to question authority, but now I question everything.

Going viral on Twitch:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Breaking via Slack:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Going bananas on Discord:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

Going viral on Telegram:

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

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Activity Log ✨

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

The prettier you are, the weirder it gets.

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨