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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 9402 this month

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Updated: May 25, 2026

 

 

 

 

46 Funny crime quotes

Funny crime quotes are the perfect blend of mischief and mirth, sparking laughter with every word 🕵️‍♂️😂. Whether you’re a true-crime fan or just love a good pun, these witty sayings offer a lighthearted take on the world of crime and justice 🚓🤣. Dive into a collection of humorous phrases that bring a smile to your face while adding a dash of humor to the whodunits and capers we all find so intriguing! 🕵️‍♀️💼

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

Posted onApr 1, 2026

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

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