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When karma's your only alibi 🤷♂️🚔😄
47 Funny crime quotes
Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.
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Trying out reverse body art: sketch me back to life! 🖍️✨🔄
America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.
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"Who knew pasta and crime could make such an iconic duo? 🍝🕵️♂️"
Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?
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Guess Bruce Wayne missed the memo on how democracy works! 🦇💼📊 #GothamsGotTalent
First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.
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Swipe right to "who's more wanted" 😂🔍❤️
When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.
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Accidentally turning laughter into disaster—talk about a side-splitting mix-up! 😂🤣
There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.
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Feeling personally attacked by this violent act of "peanut butter mouth"! 🥜🚫💦🤣
Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”
Commentary:
"Next on your playlist: 'Professional Counseling Sessions' – they really hit all the right notes! 😂🎶🛋️"
I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.
Commentary:
"When your productivity level is higher than the clouds 🌿⛅ but you still forget where you left your phone 😅📱 #PabloProblems"
Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.
Commentary:
"Oh, so that’s your secret 'get out of jury duty free' card! 🃏🤣 Just make sure your alibi doesn't have WiFi! 📡🚫"