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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Delightful if true: booby trap.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

884 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,046

Funny Quotes Topics

13,985

Funny Quotes Images

11,046

1 minute ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Seen just now on Discord:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Trending via X:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Freshly posted on Slack:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Live now on Instagram:

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Breaking via Slack:

Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.

Seen just now on Threads:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

Home » Funny Crime Quotes

38 Funny crime quotes

Funny crime quotes are the perfect blend of mischief and mirth, sparking laughter with every word 🕵️‍♂️😂. Whether you’re a true-crime fan or just love a good pun, these witty sayings offer a lighthearted take on the world of crime and justice 🚓🤣. Dive into a collection of humorous phrases that bring a smile to your face while adding a dash of humor to the whodunits and capers we all find so intriguing! 🕵️‍♀️💼

New funny crime quotes 👇

1 week ago
Share →: There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Commentary:
Feeling personally attacked by this violent act of "peanut butter mouth"! 🥜🚫💦🤣
2 weeks ago
Share →: Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Commentary:
"Next on your playlist: 'Professional Counseling Sessions' – they really hit all the right notes! 😂🎶🛋️"
2 weeks ago
Share →: I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

Commentary:
"When your productivity level is higher than the clouds 🌿⛅ but you still forget where you left your phone 😅📱 #PabloProblems"
1 month ago
Share →: Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Commentary:
"Oh, so that’s your secret 'get out of jury duty free' card! 🃏🤣 Just make sure your alibi doesn't have WiFi! 📡🚫"
1 month ago
Share →: I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Commentary:
"Ready to dig up some fun and plant the seeds of innocence! 🕵️‍♂️🔍😂"
1 month ago
Share →: My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Commentary:
"With my DNA all over the place, I'd be caught before the crime is even committed! 🚔🔬😂"
1 month ago
Share →: Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Commentary:
"Wow, talk about taking 'being the life of the party' a bit too literally! 😅🔎🚔 #PlotTwist"
2 months ago
Share →: Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

…

Commentary:
"Guess that's one way to keep your options open! 😅🚽👖"
2 months ago
Share →: Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Commentary:
"Taking notes for my 'how not to plan a weekend' guide! 🍿🕵️‍♂️🔍"
2 months ago
Share →: If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

Commentary:
Centuries of drama, betrayal, and power moves — like Game of Thrones but with incense 💨👑📖

For even more funny crime quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny crime quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

884 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,046

Funny Quotes Topics

13,985

Funny Quotes Images

11,046

1 minute ago

3,429

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Going viral on Twitch:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Seen just now on TikTok:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Just landed via YouTube:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Making waves on Reddit:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Going viral on TikTok:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

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