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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,475

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Just landed via Instagram:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Spotted on Threads:

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The older I get, no.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Trending via YouTube:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

Trending via Reddit:

“You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

Shared recently on X:

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

2 weeks ago

Witty text about childhood ambitions and self-awareness with a humorous tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of vague aspirations coming back to haunt us! 😂 It's all fun and games until you realize you're not even sure who you wanted to be in the first place! 🤔 Next time, let's remember to aim for something a bit more specific, shall we? 🎯"

always, aspiration, childhood, growing, growing up, humor, i, lesson, life, life lesson, realization, someone, specific, wanted

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If she reads Bukowski, she’s not looking for love. She’s looking for someone who will ruin her creatively.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

25 shares on X this month:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

I asked myself if I was the problem and we said no.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

61 shares on Instagram this month:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine being social on social media.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,476

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Some of you have overdosed so hard on the propaganda, there’s nothing reality Narcan can do for you.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Just landed via WeChat:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Just landed via WeChat:

Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

Trending via Pinterest:

Making a grown man kiss his camera on Facetime.

Trending via Facebook:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Making waves on X:

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

Making waves on Reddit:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

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