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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Jan 2, 2026

3,235

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Going viral on Instagram:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Breaking via Discord:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Live now on TikTok:

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

Live now on X:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

2 months ago

0

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of vague aspirations coming back to haunt us! 😂 It's all fun and games until you realize you're not even sure who you wanted to be in the first place! 🤔 Next time, let's remember to aim for something a bit more specific, shall we? 🎯"

always, aspiration, childhood, growing, growing up, humor, i, lesson, life, life lesson, realization, someone, specific, wanted

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

0

2 months ago

am, break, everywhere, existential, humor, i, irony, myself, need, self-reflection, ugh
I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

0

2 months ago

humor, memory, money, organization, purse, receipt, shopping, year
The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, entertainment, frustration, humor, lot, movie, pain, patience, social, someone, talking, watching
Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

0

2 months ago

animal, animal lovers, attention, cat, cat lady, crow, crow woman, girl, girls, horse, horse girl, humor, humor quote, lady, lovers, quirky, woman, women
I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

1

2 months ago

baby, born, doing, doing good, good, hope, hospital, humor, i
Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

0

2 months ago

food, grandmother, guys, humor, joke, meatball, only, recipe, relationship, thing, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on WeChat this month:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

85 shares on Slack this month:

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.

63 shares on Slack this month:

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

44 shares on Discord this month:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

15 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

42 shares on Threads this month:

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

70 shares on X this month:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Weddings should have a worst man.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

We decided to have money instead of children.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,373

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

(Talking to myself) I just don’t know what to tell you.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Who called it a period tracker instead of a madvent calendar?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

Making waves on WeChat:

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

Just landed via Instagram:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Just landed via Telegram:

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Trending via WeChat:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Seen just now on X:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Spreading quickly via X:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Breaking via WeChat:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Breaking via Instagram:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

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