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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

4,011

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Broadcasted on X:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Just shared via Threads:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Just landed via Facebook:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

Spotted on Twitch:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Just shared via Reddit:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

2 months ago

0

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic humble brag dilemma! 🤭 It's like saying, "I'm not saying I'm awesome but… I am totally awesome!" 🌟 So modest, yet so not. It's the ultimate humble flex, wrapped in a veil of faux modesty. Just own the awesomeness, folks! 💁‍♂️ #BraggingAboutNotBragging

behavior, brag, bragging, humor, i, irony, mean, people, self-deprecation, social, social behavior

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

0

2 months ago

ever, everyday, everyday problem, frustration, humor, i, irony, issue, issues, man, own, past, problem, recurring, recurring issue, relatable, repetitive, self-awareness, surprise, thought
My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

0

2 months ago

delivery, email, emails, excitement, favorite, notification, ones, order, say, shipment, shopping
The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

0

2 months ago

ancient, burial, burial ground, disasters, ground, having, humor, indian, irony, think, tragedy, USA
Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

0

2 months ago

away, care, dental, dental care, dentist, fool, hand, humor, irony, joke, keep, think, tools, toothbrush
You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

0

2 months ago

confidence, fear, humor, ID, me, photo, scare, self-esteem
Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

0

2 months ago

comparison, confidence, Fiji, Fiji water, humor, let, pond, pond water, positivity, self-worth, treat, water

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

46 shares on Discord this month:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,928

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Making waves on Instagram:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Spotted on WeChat:

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Just shared via WeChat:

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

Making waves on Twitch:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Going viral on Twitch:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Just landed via Slack:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

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