Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,565

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Going viral on Twitch:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

Just landed via WeChat:

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

Spotted on WeChat:

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

Spotted on WeChat:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

Spotted on X:

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Legend has it, their day started in a cucumber and took a briny twist 🥒😂 #SaltyAdventures"

day, expression, humor, humorous, idiom, joke, pickle, said, weird

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

0

3 weeks ago

addiction, caffeine, coffee, humor, imagine, just, loss, memory, much, short-term, short-term memory loss, too
Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

0

2 months ago

always, aspiration, childhood, ever, goal, humor, i, life, life goal, little, retire, wanted
Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

0

2 months ago

dialogue, fun, humor, hurt, life, me, much, nurse, pain, sarcasm
Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

0

2 months ago

car, collection, hobby, hot, Hot Wheels, humor, i, over, playful, toy, visit, wheels
Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

0

2 months ago

appointment, before, care, cramming, day, dental, dental care, dentist, floss, history, humor, i, procrastination, test
Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

0

2 months ago

camera, criminal, everyday, everyday life, humor, life, looks, observation, self-checkout, shoplifting, surveillance, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Slack this month:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Just walked by an empath and his head exploded.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Going viral on Telegram:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Freshly posted on Slack:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Spotted on Threads:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

Spotted on Threads:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Trending via TikTok:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Going bananas on YouTube:

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

Going viral on Discord:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Shared recently on Threads:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨