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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

There are TV shows that only exist on the screens of girls’ houses you go to one time and never again.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,394

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Trending via YouTube:

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Trending via Threads:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Going viral on Telegram:

I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

Just shared via Telegram:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Spotted on TikTok:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

Just landed via X:

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the dramatic struggle between the wine connoisseurs and the impatient wine lovers! 🍷💨 Maybe they should give the wine a tiny CPR course to revive it faster? 😄 Remember, folks, wine is for sipping, not for saving! Cheers to letting the grapes do their thing in peace! 🍇🍷

alcohol, always, breathe, drink, hear, humor, i, needs, revive, sarcasm, want, wine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

41 shares on Telegram this month:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Next month is May. May all the money come to me.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

76 shares on X this month:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

33 shares on Threads this month:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

60 shares on X this month:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

47 shares on Discord this month:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,359

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

Seen just now on TikTok:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

Breaking via Messenger:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Spotted on Telegram:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

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