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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,993

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Live now on Messenger:

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Live now on X:

I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

Broadcasted on Discord:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Live now on Pinterest:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Being single means more pizza for me and my couch! 🍕🛋️ #SingleByChoice #PizzaPal

another, dating, fear, heartbreak, humor, love, pointless, relationship, sarcasm, scared, single

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

1 month ago
awake, course, daily, daily life, exhaustion, hard, humor, i, irony, life, pretending, sarcasm, tired
The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

1 month ago
billionaire, commentary, irony, much, nothing, people, satire, social, social commentary, too, too much, wealth
Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

1 month ago
communication, earlier, humor, i, joke, message, mind, mind reading, reading, telepathy
If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

4 months ago
day, day off, days, humor, imagine, just, parent, parenting, responsibility, straight, thinking, work, working
I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

1 month ago
church, confession, guilt, humor, i, irony, joke, name, relationship, want
Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

1 month ago
apology, behavior, brain, humor, i, late, mental, mental state, plastic, sorry, state

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Trending via YouTube:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Live now on Twitch:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Live now on Telegram:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Spotted on Discord:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

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Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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