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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,480

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Spotted on X:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

Just shared via Reddit:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

Just landed via Slack:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

Just landed via Threads:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Just shared via Telegram:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Spotted on Twitch:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

Just landed via Facebook:

My talents are so hidden that I can’t even find them.

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

0
Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.
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Commentary:
Being single means more pizza for me and my couch! 🍕🛋️ #SingleByChoice #PizzaPal

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on X this month:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

85 shares on Threads this month:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,387

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

But babe, that’s my emotional support Lord of the Rings Extended Edition.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Just landed via Pinterest:

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

Live now on TikTok:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

Going viral on Messenger:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Shared recently on TikTok:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Going viral on Facebook:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Shared recently on X:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

Trending via Discord:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

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