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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

The most incredible thing about James Bond is the way he can walk into any hotel room and immediately know how to use the shower.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

805 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,967

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,967

Updated

20 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Making waves on Messenger:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Just shared via Telegram:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

Making waves on Reddit:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Just shared via Instagram:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Just landed via Messenger:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Spotted on X:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

Seen just now on Discord:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Shared recently on Slack:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Making waves on X:

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.
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Commentary:
"Confidence is key in storytelling – just sprinkle a dash of imagination and voilà! 🤥💬 Whether you're discussing quantum physics or the secret lives of unicorns, a little charisma goes a long way! 🦄🔬 Just remember, it's all about the delivery… or maybe a smoke screen of plausible deniability! 😄🎤"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

805 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,967

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,967

Updated

20 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Life is too short, and death is too long.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Cool times create cool guys.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Wake me up when I’m rich!

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Trending via WeChat:

So many songs that tell you to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, so few about the hazards of ceiling fans.

Shared recently on Slack:

There’s a word in modern Hungarian slang, egérmozi, which describes watching films (or shows) on your phone. It means “mouse cinema”.

Trending via Telegram:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Making waves on Discord:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Trending via Threads:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

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