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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

He took my last fry, your honor.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

In your 20s, you will be tempted to prove that you’re doing well. It’s important you resist performing for an audience that isn’t watching.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,987

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Spotted on Facebook:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Just shared via Facebook:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Live now on Threads:

New year; new me. Just kidding. I’m already awesome.

Trending via Snapchat:

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Making waves on YouTube:

I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

2 months ago

0

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

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Commentary:
"Confidence is key in storytelling – just sprinkle a dash of imagination and voilà! 🤥💬 Whether you're discussing quantum physics or the secret lives of unicorns, a little charisma goes a long way! 🦄🔬 Just remember, it's all about the delivery… or maybe a smoke screen of plausible deniability! 😄🎤"

30, communication, confidence, conversation, exaggeration, humor, liar, lying, talk, topic, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

0

2 months ago

else, everyday, everyday life, everyone, fashion, fit, hope, humor, i, life, pants, put, still, struggle
Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

0

2 months ago

attention, awesome, context, conversation, course, humor, i, listening, sarcasm, sorry
I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

0

2 months ago

being, call, called, communication, humor, joke, life, lot, nothing, phone, sarcasm, things, worse
Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

0

2 months ago

behavior, electricity, empowerment, ever, fork, humor, i, irony, risky, risky behavior, socket, time, unexpected
I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

0

2 months ago

another, appliance, dimension, household, household appliance, humor, laundry, laundry humor, machine, missing, missing socks, portal, sock, socks, washing, washing machine
I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

0

2 months ago

allowed, boxing, competition, face, face punch, humor, i, joke, me, moment, opponent, punch, quit, quitting, sarcastic, sports, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

75 shares on X this month:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I am thick and tired.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,964

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Spotted on Facebook:

I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Spotted on Instagram:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

Trending via Discord:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Shared recently on X:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Shared recently on Discord:

I miss when my hardest decision was Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network.

Spotted on Messenger:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

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