You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

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Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

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If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

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The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

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I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

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I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

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Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.