Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,536

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

Trending via Pinterest:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Seen just now on YouTube:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Trending via Instagram:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

Making waves on X:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Freshly posted on X:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Making waves on Discord:

Who called it a missed phone call from your parents and not a boomer rang?

Trending via Twitch:

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Parenting: where 90% of the time you’re either lying down or just thinking about lying down. 💤😅 #ParentingReality"

90, again, exhaustion, family, humor, just, lie, lie down, parenthood, parenting, parenting struggle, rest, struggle, thinking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

0

2 months ago

activity, age, forget, fun, fun activity, hangover, humor, Netflix, tequila, wake, wake up, where
My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

0

3 months ago

30, body, confusion, doing, exhaustion, humor, i, know, pretending, self-deprecation, tired, water
Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

0

2 months ago

back, humor, just, later, life, opportunity, patience, timing
That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, breathing, discomfort, hate, irony, moment, someone
Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

0

2 months ago

assurance, disappointment, dream, expectation, here, humor, i, just, life, living, me, never, reality, right, sarcasm, shit, somebody, told
Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

0

2 months ago

90, doctor, eye, eye doctor, eyesight, health, humor, joke, right, test, vision, vision test

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

39 shares on Threads this month:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

50 shares on Slack this month:

Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

10 shares on X this month:

Farting, but with eye contact.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Trending via Instagram:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Making waves on Telegram:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

Making waves on Discord:

Alexa, mute my children.

Shared recently on Discord:

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Live now on Snapchat:

Just took off my daytime sweatpants and put on my nighttime sweatpants.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Seen just now on Threads:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨