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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I just be minding my business, and next thing you know, a payment is due.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I wonder how biology explains that pain in your chest you get when you found out your partner cheated on you.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,517

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Just shared via TikTok:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

Just landed via WeChat:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Live now on Telegram:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

Shared recently on X:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Parenting: where 90% of the time you’re either lying down or just thinking about lying down. 💤😅 #ParentingReality"

90, again, exhaustion, family, humor, just, lie, lie down, parenthood, parenting, parenting struggle, rest, struggle, thinking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Stand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.

0

2 months ago

girl, health, humor, i, iron, low, low iron, self-advocacy, stand, stand-up, yourself
The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

0

3 weeks ago

elder, game, gaming, generation, nostalgia, reverence, video, video game, Wii, Zoomer
I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

0

2 months ago

expectation, feel, humor, i, just, new, new year, right, time, year
Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

0

2 months ago

aspirations, career, five, humor, interview, job, job interview, life, me, procrastination, sabbatical, where, work, work life, yourself
Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

0

5 months ago

communication, email, emails, fun, humor, keep, language, office, throwing, today, vocabulary, wordplay, work, work email, writing
I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad choice, being, choice, choices, crisis, existential, existential crisis, hell, humor, infinite, infinite loop, irony, just, life, life choice, loop, real, real hell, self-doubt, stuck, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Twitch this month:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

55 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

17 shares on Slack this month:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

45 shares on X this month:

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

50 shades of single.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Making waves on Reddit:

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

Seen just now on Telegram:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Seen just now on X:

People out there having five-year plans, and here I am waking up just hoping I remember what day it is.

Spotted on YouTube:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Spotted on Telegram:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“Stand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨