Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.
  • My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.
  • My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.
  • Being weird never goes out of style.
  • I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.
  • If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.