Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • “You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.
  • What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?
  • My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.
  • “Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.
  • I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.
  • Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”