Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

Start each day with a positive thought, like: "I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours."

Commentary:
“Who said optimism had to be hard work? 😂💭 Embrace the joy of knowing that your cozy bed awaits you in just 17 short hours! Sweet dreams, dreamer! 💤✨”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Jingle all the way? In this economy?

    Commentary:
    “Jingle all the way? More like budget all the way! 🎅💸 Who needs jingle bells when you’ve got bills to pay, am I right? 😂💰 #Priorities”

  • AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like the secret to job security is intentionally terrible writing! 🤖💻 Embrace the typos, jumbled sentences, and nonsensical ramblings – your livelihood might just depend on it! Who knew that a mess of words could be your ticket to career longevity? 😂 #BadWritingChampion”

  • Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

    Commentary:
    “Oh, opportunity certainly has a knack for showing up at the most inconvenient times, doesn’t it? 🕰️ Maybe it’s trying to keep us on our toes or maybe it just has a twisted sense of humor! 😅 Just remember, when opportunity knocks, you better answer, even if you’re in your pajamas! 🚪💼”

  • Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the elusive secret menu of the pharmacy – where you can order a side of extra-strength ibuprofen with a sprinkle of anti-anxiety pills! 🌟💊 Don’t forget to ask for the ‘pharmacist’s special’ for that extra kick of mystery and intrigue. Maybe they’ll even throw in a complimentary band-aid on the side! 🩹😂”

  • Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs love when you have burgers to fill that gap in your heart…and stomach? 🍔❤️ Go ahead, get that extra patty and release all that pent-up hunger, one delicious bite at a time!” 😋

  • Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

    Commentary:
    🤣💬 “Me, casually emerging from the dumpster like a wise garbage guru: Can I drop some truth bombs on you, my friend? 💁‍♂️♻️ #TrashTalk #DumpsterDivingWisdom”