Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.
  • I keep my mind active by worrying.
  • One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.
  • The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.
  • Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.
  • I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.