The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

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A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

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We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

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Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.

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When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

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Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

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I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

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I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

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Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

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Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

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If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.