I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

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Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

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I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

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I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

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It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

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I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

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Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

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Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

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I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.