Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

This email could’ve been sex.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I have high standards for dating because I’m a high-quality woman, and you wouldn’t want me any other way.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,677

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

Just landed via Discord:

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

Trending via Telegram:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Making waves on X:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Live now on TikTok:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Just landed via Facebook:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Live now on Instagram:

Witnessing karma is awesome . . . witnessing instant karma is more awesome.

Trending via Threads:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs self-help books when you've got a scalpel and smooch combo? 😂🧠💋"

dark, dark humor, everything, fix, fix everything, forehead, forehead kiss, health, humor, illness, irreverent, kiss, lobotomy, mental, mental health, mental illness, therapy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

2 months ago

AI, artificial intelligence, ChatGPT, everything, fuss, humor, i, know, knowledge, parenting, technology, teenager, understand, understanding
Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

1 week ago

back, back to work, forgetfulness, humor, i, job, morning, office, remember, trying, work
The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

2 months ago

balcony, disgusting, humor, i, neighbor, person, polite, sarcasm, shout, sneeze
Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

4 weeks ago

choice, confidence, humor, luck, me, outcome, things, unfortunately, work
Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

2 months ago

exaggeration, humor, opinion, people, statistic, stupid, ten
People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

2 months ago

city, culture, humor, just, music, nostalgia, people, rock, roll

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on TikTok this month:

Okay, fall, I see you showing a lil’ leg.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

73 shares on Facebook this month:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

43 shares on Discord this month:

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

28 shares on Discord this month:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

31 shares on X this month:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

68 shares on Discord this month:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

What genius called it road rage and not locomotive?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

Just landed via WeChat:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Making waves on WeChat:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Just landed via Messenger:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Just shared via Snapchat:

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Spotted on Slack:

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨