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Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

That boring, introverted life you’re living has probably protected you from a lot of harm and bad experiences.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Live now on X:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Freshly posted on X:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

Just shared via X:

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

Spotted on Reddit:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

3 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about mental health humor, featuring a playful suggestion for fixing problems.

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Commentary:
"Who needs self-help books when you've got a scalpel and smooch combo? 😂🧠💋"

dark, dark humor, everything, fix, fix everything, forehead, forehead kiss, health, humor, illness, irreverent, kiss, lobotomy, mental, mental health, mental illness, therapy

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48 shares on Discord this month:

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

100 shares on X this month:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

100 shares on Slack this month:

Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

To steal from one is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

19 shares on X this month:

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Guy in front of me at the movies was reading the popcorn Wikipedia page while he was eating popcorn.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

If I was a stray cat, I’d follow you home and let you domesticate me.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

Just shared via Telegram:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Trending via Discord:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Making waves on Twitch:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

Just shared via Reddit:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Going viral on Reddit:

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.

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Activity Log ✨

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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