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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

If you wear enough cardigans, people will assume you’re smart and you can stop reading entirely.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,504

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Nobody can ragebait as successfully as your own mother can.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

Just shared via X:

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Trending via TikTok:

Who called it a period tracker instead of a madvent calendar?

Just shared via Reddit:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Going viral on Facebook:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

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All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the bittersweet symphony of human interaction 🤷‍♂️ Some bring sunshine and rainbows ☀️🌈 while others bring bonus points for stealthy exits 🚪🏃‍♂️. It's a mixed bag of emotions and surprises! 😄 #PeopleAreFun"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

26 shares on X this month:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

98 shares on Discord this month:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

65 shares on Slack this month:

I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,251

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I told ChatGPT about us.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

Just shared via X:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Seen just now on YouTube:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Spotted on Twitch:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Trending via LinkedIn:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

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