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Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

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No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

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I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

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That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

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Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

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In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

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We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

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I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

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Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

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I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.