Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

56 minutes ago

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Spotted on Twitch:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Reported on WhatsApp:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Seen just now on X:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

Going viral on Messenger:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Reported on WhatsApp:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

6 months ago

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

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Commentary:
I'm all for a good thrill, but I draw the line at becoming a human bumper sticker! 🚗💥🤕 Just imagine the hospital food and questionable fashion choices as you recover… But hey, at least you'll have a riveting story to tell at parties! 🏥😅 #LifeGoals

car, dark, dark humor, ever, hit, hospital, humor, injury, month, mood, sarcasm, spend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

56 minutes ago

3,417

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Telegram:

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Going viral on Snapchat:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

Shared recently on Slack:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Making waves on Telegram:

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

Live now on Snapchat:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Spotted on Facebook:

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

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