As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

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I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

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If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

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It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

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If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

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The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

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The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

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I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

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The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

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Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

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I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.