43 funny top quotes - Wordgag

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

May 22, 2026

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

May 22, 2026

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

May 22, 2026

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

May 22, 2026

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

May 22, 2026

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

May 22, 2026

I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

May 21, 2026

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

May 20, 2026

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

May 20, 2026

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

May 20, 2026

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

May 20, 2026

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

May 20, 2026

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

May 19, 2026

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

May 19, 2026

I’m literally overstimulated with life. I need to scream on top of a mountain.

May 19, 2026

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

May 19, 2026

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

May 19, 2026

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

May 18, 2026

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

May 18, 2026

I am a firm believer that singing ‘Slide Away’ at the top of your lungs changes you as a person.

Apr 1, 2026

Some days I feel I’m on top of the world, and other days it feels like the world is on top of me.

Apr 1, 2026

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Apr 1, 2026

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Apr 1, 2026

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

Apr 1, 2026

Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

Mar 31, 2026

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Mar 31, 2026

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Mar 31, 2026

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Mar 31, 2026

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Mar 31, 2026

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

Mar 31, 2026

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Mar 30, 2026

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Mar 30, 2026

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Mar 30, 2026

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Mar 30, 2026

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Mar 29, 2026

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

Mar 29, 2026

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Mar 29, 2026

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

Mar 29, 2026

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Mar 28, 2026

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Mar 28, 2026