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I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

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Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

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My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

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I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

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You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

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The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

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As Iโ€™m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually donโ€™t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

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I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But itโ€™s not a very good one.

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Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

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It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

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Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

Commentary:
Trying to return my adulthood for store credit. ๐Ÿ›๏ธ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ“ˆ

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