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Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

53 minutes ago

Users Online

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Spotted on Facebook:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Shared recently on WeChat:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Just shared via X:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

Going viral on Telegram:

I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet made out of Legos than go to my high school reunion.

Spotted on Pinterest:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Live now on WhatsApp:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Finally, an excuse for my quirky dance moves in the grocery aisle! 💃🛒😜 #GracefullyInsane"

being, gracefully, happiness, happy, health, humor, insane, insanity, joy, life, mental, mental health, secret, self-acceptance, uniqueness

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Breaking via Reddit:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Spotted on Messenger:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Just landed via TikTok:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

Seen just now on Discord:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Breaking via Discord:

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

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Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

Sunsets and women are undoubtedly God’s best creations.

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

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