Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,365

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Live now on Pinterest:

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

Trending via Slack:

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

Going viral on Instagram:

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

Trending via Telegram:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Spotted on Reddit:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, become the lemon 🍋😅 #CustomerServiceChronicles

born, customer, customer service, hate, humor, irony, job, people, sarcasm, service

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

0

5 months ago

apple, Apple Watch, frustration, humor, i, need, patience, runs, technology, tracking, watch
I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

0

2 months ago

character, even, humor, i, irony, love, narrative, perspective, someone, story, tell, version, villain
I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

0

3 months ago

asking, child, feeding, feeds, feel, food, healing, i, inner, inner child, kindness, me, sharing, someone, surprise
The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

0

2 months ago

art, creativity, humor, people, perception, persuade, today’s, today’s art
I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

0

3 months ago

aging, faster, humor, i, know, lesson, life, life lesson, line, much, number, older, patience, things, wait, waiting, zero
Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

0

1 month ago

bad, blanket, comfort, cozy, happen, humor, just, nothing, protection, remember, safety, under, while

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Facebook this month:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

89 shares on Threads this month:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

79 shares on X this month:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

36 shares on Discord this month:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

38 shares on Discord this month:

I used to have a great future in my past.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I used to be cool, but now I just can’t wait to get on the couch by 7 p.m., in my pajamas, with a quilted blanket.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

Trending via Facebook:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Freshly posted on Slack:

After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

Spotted on TikTok:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Going viral on Instagram:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Going viral on Messenger:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨