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"Staring your procrastination right in the eye like 🙈… 'Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.' 🤷‍♂️💁‍♀️ #ProcrastinationGoals"

better, expectations, humor, i, laziness, motivation, optimism, procrastination, reality, self-improvement, yes

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

1 month ago
alcohol, family, family joke, gene, genetics, humor, joke, pool, poor, poverty, sarcasm, too, whiskey
I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

1 month ago
actually, attitude, balance, entitlement, even, going, humor, i, irony, little, thankfulness, today, too, ungratefulness, yesterday
I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

1 month ago
backyard, beginnings, buried, fertilize, humor, new, new beginnings, past, ready, relationship, tomat
Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

1 month ago
being, clothing, comfort, feels, humor, irony, naked, nakedness, sh
When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

2 months ago
behavior, brag, bragging, humor, i, irony, mean, people, self-deprecation, social, social behavior
Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

1 month ago
change, ever, excited, excitement, food, humor, kid, likes, new, parenting, tomorrow, unpredictability

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

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Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

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The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

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When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

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Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

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My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

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Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

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Just shared via Discord:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Trending via WeChat:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Going bananas on Instagram:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

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Activity Log ✨

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

I drive like I’m immortal.

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

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Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

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