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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

“Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Petition to reclaim my childhood naps—because adulting didn’t come with a snooze button! 😴🕒 #NapReparations"

back, childhood, humor, i, kid, naps, nostalgia, relaxation, rest, sleep, take

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

0

2 months ago

activity, career, employment, gap, humor, job, job search, just, karate, resume, search, skills, year
Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

0

2 months ago

alien, aliens, confused, extraterrestrial, help, humor, invasion, leaders, offer, overthrow, reaction, show, stoked, super
My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

0

2 months ago

being, comedy, exhausted, exhaustion, family, fatigue, favorite, humor, live, losing, parenting, struggle, time, will to live
Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

0

5 months ago

bad, body, flexibility, humor, inner, joke, posture, pretzel, self-deprecation
The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

0

2 months ago

conflict, craving, donut, humor, hunger, i, jealousy, me, nemesis, person, rivalry
Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

0

4 months ago

better, computer, humor, lived, nostalgia, old, old times, only, own, privacy, room, sometimes, specific, technology, things, times

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Spotted on Instagram:

Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

Just shared via X:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

Just landed via TikTok:

Moving is legitimately one of the worst human experiences.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My lips could use some attention today.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Making waves on Twitch:

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

Going bananas on Discord:

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨