“Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

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I get so embarrassed for no reason after posting on social media. Like, why am I showing my life?

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How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

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It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

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Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

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My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

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Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

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Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

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And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

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Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

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Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.