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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,494

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

Just shared via TikTok:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Live now on Pinterest:

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Going viral on Slack:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Trending via Threads:

God saw you do that.

Just shared via TikTok:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Going viral on Twitch:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

2 months ago

0

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the good old days when we all thought we were cool puffing on those sugary sticks, pretending to be mini James Deans or Marlene Dietrichs! 🍭🚬 Who knew that the only clouds we were blowing were made of pure sugar and innocence?! 😄 #ThrowbackThursday #FakeItTillYouMakeIt

age, around, candy, childhood, cigarettes, humor, innocence, memory, nostalgia, smokers, thing, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

0

2 months ago

A.I., AI, artificial, artificial intelligence, artificial stupidity, being, humor, intelligence, me, office, people, replacement, safe, safety, smart, smart people, stupidity, technology, workplace
Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

0

2 months ago

baby, being, cry, eviction, humor, joke, newborn, parenting
They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

0

2 months ago

baby, comfortable, diaper, dress, humor, job, say, uncomfortable, want
Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

0

2 months ago

again, coffee, conversation, greetings, humor, much, sarcasm, talking, too, too much
You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

0

2 months ago

am, desperation, fantasy, give, gone, hr, HR manager, humor, i, job, manager, message, messages, money, prince, real, spam, tell, times, want
If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

0

2 months ago

billionaire, Earth, else, escape, everyone, humor, i, leave, Mars, rockets, satire, space, space travel, travel, wealth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Slack this month:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

48 shares on X this month:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

49 shares on Telegram this month:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

24 shares on Slack this month:

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You give my middle finger an erection.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,229

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I am the opposite of artificial intelligence. I am authentic stupidity.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Pouring an ice-cold glass of anxiety.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Live now on Discord:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

Just shared via Discord:

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

Trending via Facebook:

I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

Making waves on Telegram:

I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

Going viral on Slack:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Trending via Threads:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

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