24 funny candy quotes - Wordgag

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

May 30, 2026

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

May 29, 2026

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

May 28, 2026

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

May 28, 2026

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

May 27, 2026

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

May 26, 2026

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

May 26, 2026

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

May 25, 2026

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

May 25, 2026

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

May 23, 2026

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

May 23, 2026

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

May 23, 2026

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

May 22, 2026

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

May 22, 2026

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

May 22, 2026

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

May 22, 2026

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

May 21, 2026

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

May 21, 2026

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

May 21, 2026

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

May 20, 2026

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

May 19, 2026

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

May 19, 2026

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

May 19, 2026

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

May 19, 2026