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Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

Commentary:
"Who needs pizza when you've got celery, the ultimate hydration hero ๐ŸŒฑ๐Ÿ’ฆ But let's be real, it's no competition when it comes to cheat day cravings! ๐Ÿ•๐Ÿคค #PizzaForLife"



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Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

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Twitter is an abusement park.

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I canโ€™t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

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I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

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Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

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Forget all this adulting stuff, letโ€™s bring back Saturday morning cartoons.

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This too shall pass, but what the hell?

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The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

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You look like something I drew with my left hand.

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Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.