Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

All human behavior is performative, besides the crying of an infant.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,366

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Shared recently on Slack:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Trending via Slack:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

Just shared via Discord:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Job-hopping is a funny concept, like ‘Hey, I’m gonna go hate my life over there instead.’

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Trending via YouTube:

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

2 weeks ago

Humorous text about bold dating bios, showcasing witty, unexpected humor and playful attitude.

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Commentary:
Well, talk about standing out from the crowd on Bumble! 🦹‍♂️ Who knew a dark sense of humor could attract so much attention? 👀 Remember, it's all fun and games until someone brings a chainsaw to the first date! 🔪😂 Just another day in the unpredictable world of online dating! 📱💔

bio, bumble, dating, family, guys, humor, murder, online, online dating, response, sarcasm, still, whole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on X this month:

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

44 shares on Slack this month:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

13 shares on Discord this month:

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

22 shares on X this month:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,675

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

My Wi-Fi is stronger than my will to socialize.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

It’s so cold, I’m using Chrome instead of Firefox to read the news on my phone, because I need the ads to warm up my phone and hands.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

It’s not a competition, but if it was I would win.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

Trending via Reddit:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Just landed via Messenger:

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Just landed via Instagram:

Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

Just shared via Instagram:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Not single, not dating, but a secret third thing (quantum entanglement).

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Broadcasted on Discord:

“You’re not allowed to be grumpy on a Friday, it’s in the fine print somewhere.”

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