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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,921

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

Shared recently on X:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

Seen just now on Messenger:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Just shared via WeChat:

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Just shared via Twitch:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

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Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.
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Commentary:
Well, talk about standing out from the crowd on Bumble! 🦹‍♂️ Who knew a dark sense of humor could attract so much attention? 👀 Remember, it's all fun and games until someone brings a chainsaw to the first date! 🔪😂 Just another day in the unpredictable world of online dating! 📱💔

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Reddit this month:

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

73 shares on Reddit this month:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

32 shares on Reddit this month:

How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?

13 shares on X this month:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,860

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Making waves on TikTok:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Spotted on Slack:

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Making waves on Slack:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Trending via YouTube:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

Going viral on Telegram:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Just shared via Snapchat:

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

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