76 funny guys quotes - Wordgag

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

May 23, 2026

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

May 23, 2026

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

May 23, 2026

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

May 23, 2026

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

May 23, 2026

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

May 23, 2026

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

May 23, 2026

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

May 23, 2026

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

May 23, 2026

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

May 23, 2026

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

May 22, 2026

I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

May 21, 2026

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

May 21, 2026

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

May 21, 2026

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

May 21, 2026

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

May 21, 2026

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

May 21, 2026

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

May 20, 2026

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

May 20, 2026

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

May 20, 2026

For once, I would just like to underthink a situation. How do you guys do that?

May 19, 2026

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

May 19, 2026

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

May 19, 2026

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

May 19, 2026

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

May 19, 2026

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

May 18, 2026

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

May 18, 2026

Al guys are like, “We can’t use it to cure cancer, but we can suck all the joy and purpose out of life so that dying isn’t sad.”

Apr 1, 2026

One thing I expect that we will learn from the vibe coding era is that most ‘idea guys’ don’t actually have very good ideas.

Apr 1, 2026

Being depressed is so embarrassing. It’s like, look at me, guys. I have nothing positive to say, and I make everything miserable.

Apr 1, 2026

Donnie Darko was also ahead of its time because the guy’s haunted by a giant Labubu.

Apr 1, 2026

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

Apr 1, 2026

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

Apr 1, 2026

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

Apr 1, 2026

Guys, stop showering. I need the water for ChatGPT.

Apr 1, 2026

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Apr 1, 2026

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Apr 1, 2026

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Mar 31, 2026

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Mar 31, 2026

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Mar 31, 2026