College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

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I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

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Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

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Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

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They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

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People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

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At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

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Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

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Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

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It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

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Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.