Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Talk about customizing your universe! 🌌🔮 Looks like someone's reading between the stars to create their perfect match. Who needs a horoscope when you've got a personalized cosmic connection? 😂✨#selectiveastrology"

attraction, boy, compliment, dating, focus, horoscope, humor, me, parts, relationship, sense

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99 shares on Threads this month:

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

12 shares on Reddit this month:

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

92 shares on X this month:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

12 shares on Threads this month:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

31 shares on Instagram this month:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft.

Just landed via Slack:

I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

Trending via Threads:

I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Shared recently on Reddit:

Going viral on Telegram:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Breaking via Snapchat:

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

Wordgag ツ

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Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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