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If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

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Did you know 17 muscles are activated when youโ€™re crying? Fitness is my passion.

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Moms be like, โ€œYour cousinโ€™s neighborโ€™s husbandโ€™s aunt died. Just thought you should know.โ€

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My company promotes diversity. Weโ€™d never hire twins.

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Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

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Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

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Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

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Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Commentary:
"Day 12 without chocolate: I didn't know my left eye could even hear, let alone choose to go on strike over chocolate! Must be holding out for the good stuff."



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