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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'bird' request: asking for freedom, soaring high, and of course, a bit of mischief with the pooping privileges 💩🦅 Just remember, with great flying power comes great responsibility… and potentially messy consequences! Watch out below! 😄"

away, bird, fly, freedom, God, humor, i, me, people, poop, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

4 months ago
bed, coffee, drinking, humor, late, lying, morning, naked, relaxation, still, too
I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

1 month ago
celebrity, city, comedy, humor, i, jealousy, luxury, money, much, satire, sex, show, TV, TV Show, upset, watch
I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

5 days ago
advent, advent calendar, calendar, cupboard, cupboard door, door, doors, eating, food, holiday, humor, i, just, opening, snack, surprise
They say time is the solution to every problem. I’ve been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.

2 months ago
every, hour, hours, humor, messy, problem, procrastination, room, solution, still, time, waiting
If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

2 months ago
advice, alert, caution, humor, kings, planet, relationship, remember, stay, stay alert, world
I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

3 months ago
3, after, afternoon, Friday, Fridays, humor, mood, niceness, nicer, personality, time

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

Breaking via TikTok:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Spotted on TikTok:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Just shared via WeChat:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Trending via Discord:

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

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Activity Log ✨

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

They say time is the solution to every problem. I’ve been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Notice how Lorde has a song called “Tennis Court” and not “Pickleball Court”? Tired of y’all pushing that fake sport.

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods and never being seen again is free.

I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Mixed signals mean they don’t like you like that. It’s that simple.

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

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Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

They say time is the solution to every problem. I’ve been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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