Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

My New Year’s resolution is to be less presumptuous and rude to others. I’ll bet yours is to lose weight, isn’t it?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Aura is the real business card.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

233 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,502

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,502

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,586

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Spotted on Reddit:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

Broadcasted on X:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

Trending via Pinterest:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Going viral on YouTube:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Just shared via Slack:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your career is playing hard to get. Time to send it a "we need to talk" text! 😅📞💼

another, career, communication, humor, job, know, one-sided, pursuit, relationship, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

0

2 months ago

eye, humor, moon, night, November, season, time, weather
This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

0

2 months ago

ceremony, commentary, email, event, humor, me, observation, social, social event, unexpected, wedding
Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

0

3 months ago

disappear, enjoy, humor, i, love, me, presence, time
I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

0

2 months ago

back, being, cartoon, cat, cats, doing, humor, i, jerry, job, lazy, mouse, noticed, pets, problem, tom, Tom and Jerry, yelling
I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

0

2 months ago

activity, around, backyard, every, flashlight, funny activity, here, high, hour, humor, i, know, let, neighbors, power, scan, security, tolerance, weirdness
No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

0

2 months ago

adulting, avoid, challenges, humor, irony, lessons, life, life lessons, me, responsibility, scams, told, trying, unexpected, unexpected challenges

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Threads this month:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

56 shares on X this month:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

79 shares on Facebook this month:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Trending via Messenger:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

Spotted on Twitch:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Going bananas on Discord:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Breaking via Instagram:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Making waves on Reddit:

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

Going viral on Discord:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨