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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Dating to marry in a world filled with cheaters, situationships, and hook-up culture.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Times New Roman never did anything to anybody. It was a real trooper. Then society unceremoniously dethroned it.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,385

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

Just landed via TikTok:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Seen just now on X:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

Trending via Threads:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Humorous quote about online dating and creepiness, with a playful and cheeky vibe.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the magic power of creepiness! With the right level of unsettling behavior, even your calculator app could become a potential matchmaker. 📱😏 Who needs Tinder when you've got the uncanny ability to turn any app into a dating platform? Just don't forget to update your 'flirting algorithm'! 😉 #CreepyAppsUnite"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Messenger this month:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

93 shares on Instagram this month:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

75 shares on Slack this month:

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

13 shares on Slack this month:

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,615

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Just landed via Facebook:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Going viral on Telegram:

Travelling through the US by car is beautiful because you feel like a blood cell in a very sick man’s body.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Trending via Twitch:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Just landed via Messenger:

My middle finger salutes you.

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