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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Everyone’s worried about a recession, but babes, we’re heading for a dark age.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

4,059

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

Just shared via Slack:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Just shared via X:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Going viral on YouTube:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

Just shared via Messenger:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Going viral on X:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

2 months ago

0

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the magic power of creepiness! With the right level of unsettling behavior, even your calculator app could become a potential matchmaker. 📱😏 Who needs Tinder when you've got the uncanny ability to turn any app into a dating platform? Just don't forget to update your 'flirting algorithm'! 😉 #CreepyAppsUnite"

app, creepy, dating, humor, interaction, relationship, social, social interaction, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

0

2 months ago

alligator, hand, humor, irony, own, research, safety, sign, stick, thanks, warning, zoo
My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

0

3 months ago

emotion, heartbroken, humor, i, mood, music, playlist, random, same, thugged, thugged out, time, yeehaw
Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

0

4 weeks ago

analogy, carrying, daily, daily life, habit, humor, lantern, life, modern, modern habit, phone, room, technology, Victorian, Victorian woman, woman
One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

0

2 months ago

appearing, avoidance, busy, humor, introvert, me, people, social, speak, strength, strengths, try
Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

0

2 months ago

cleaning, competition, entertainment, fight, gadget, home, humor, i, new, novelty, old, robot, Roomba
I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

0

2 months ago

drink, everyday, everyday life, forgetfulness, full, glass, half, humor, humor quote, i, irony, kind, life, person, perspective, put, self-deprecating

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

79 shares on Telegram this month:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

83 shares on Slack this month:

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,942

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Wake me when AI does housework.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Going viral on Facebook:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Going viral on Reddit:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Breaking via Messenger:

“You’re a cougar!” God forbid a woman gives back to the youth.

Going viral on Discord:

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

Making waves on TikTok:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

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