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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,721

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Trending via Instagram:

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

Breaking via Slack:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Going viral on YouTube:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Just landed via Threads:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

Just landed via Threads:

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

2 months ago

0

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the magic power of creepiness! With the right level of unsettling behavior, even your calculator app could become a potential matchmaker. 📱😏 Who needs Tinder when you've got the uncanny ability to turn any app into a dating platform? Just don't forget to update your 'flirting algorithm'! 😉 #CreepyAppsUnite"

app, creepy, dating, humor, interaction, relationship, social, social interaction, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

0

2 months ago

awkward, cold, comedy, food, going, humor, indulgence, just, let, me, pizza, porn, temptation, tempting, watching
If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

0

2 weeks ago

air, annoying, annoying behavior, behavior, finger, finger quotation, humor, interaction, introduction, job, job title, little, prank, quotation, sarcasm, social, social interaction, someone, title
I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

0

4 months ago

always, big, big heart, bladder, bodily, bodily function, exaggeration, function, heart, humor, i, just, need, pee
If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

0

2 months ago

busy, chatting, distraction, humor, ignoring, internet, laughing, me, meme, memes, online, self-care, therapy, world
I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

0

1 month ago

behavior, communication, content, done, extra, extra content, humor, i, media, obsession, oh, online, online behavior, second, social, social media, thought, tweet, Tweets, unnecessary
No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

0

2 months ago

elderly, else, family, fine, grandma, humor, joke, needs, nobody, sarcasm, stairs, today

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

98 shares on Facebook this month:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just worked out for 2 hours straight and 1 hour gay.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

What makes us human is selecting all images with traffic lights.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,817

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

Trending via Instagram:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

Trending via WeChat:

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Just shared via Twitch:

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Spotted on Telegram:

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Breaking via TikTok:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Going viral on Slack:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Just shared via WeChat:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

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