Trendy Funny Quotes

  • My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.
  • At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.
  • At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.
  • I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.
  • My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.
  • You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.