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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

332 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,925

Funny Quotes Topics

17,098

Funny Quotes Images

14,925

Updated

Dec 13, 2025

Users Online

3,848

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Trending via TikTok:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Trending via YouTube:

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

Seen just now on X:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Making waves on Slack:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

Making waves on Telegram:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Freshly posted on Discord:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Rewind my life so I can skip past Monday mornings! 🎶🔄🤣

again, cassette, cassette tape, flip, me, music, over, play, retro, tape

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

2 months ago

condom, humor, idiot, idiots, prevention, produce, relationship, responsibility, stock, stock up, sure
Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

1 month ago

celebrity, death, environment, humor, Kardashian, kim, Kim Kardashian, plastic, sea
I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

2 months ago

beauty, beauty routine, ever, fast, humor, i, joke, legs, life, loss, lost, routine, shave, today, weight
How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

1 month ago

anonymity, avoidance, boundary, desire, desire to disappear, disappear, escaping, escaping recognition, i, interaction, longer, me, people, personal, personal boundary, privacy, recognition, social, social avoidance, social interaction, someone, unknown, want, wanting, wanting to be unknown
If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

1 month ago

disrespect, due, ever, humor, i, irony, none, please, respect, sarcasm, say, understand, witty
A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

1 month ago

blanket, comfort, compression, enough, humor, i, need, relaxation, relief, stress, stress relief, today, weighted, weighted blanket, zip-file

New Funny Quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Broadcasted on X:

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

Seen just now on Facebook:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

Just shared via Instagram:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Breaking via Messenger:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Spotted on WeChat:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Witnessing karma is awesome . . . witnessing instant karma is more awesome.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

About to watch Tenet for the first time and I enjoyed it.

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

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Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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