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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Come on, karma, do your job.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,357

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Just shared via Slack:

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

Making waves on Threads:

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Live now on Twitch:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Going bananas on Discord:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like solid advice! Just dodge baby showers and you’re in the clear! 🤰😅🎉

advice, fine, girl, going, going through, humor, pregnancy, pregnant, reassurance, right, situation, through, whatever

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

0

2 months ago

bloke, character, comedy, fiction, harry, Harry Potter, humor, main, main bloke, potter, wizard
Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.

0

5 months ago

casualwear, comfort, every, exist, fashion, house, humor, i, leave, leaving, sweatpant, sweatpants, time, why
Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

0

2 months ago

2, advice, date, hr, humor, never, office, partner, pissed, reasons, relationship, super, work
If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

0

2 months ago

child, energy, first child, humor, nature, parenting, second, second child, sleep, trick, unpredictability
I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

0

2 months ago

culture, ear, ghost, Hee-Hee, hope, humor, i, jackson, michael, Michael Jackson, music, pop, pop culture, sleep, spooky
In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

0

2 months ago

autumn, change, cold, darkness, distant, equinox, fall, fall equinox, filled, honor, humor, i, seasonal, seasonal change, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Threads this month:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

25 shares on X this month:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

53 shares on YouTube this month:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

45 shares on X this month:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

86 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

My body is a vessel for various dips.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Just landed via WeChat:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Making waves on Instagram:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Going viral on Facebook:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

Just landed via Twitch:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Seen just now on Threads:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Just shared via Messenger:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Making waves on Facebook:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨