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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.
  • Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.
  • I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.
  • My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.
  • “You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?
  • If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.