Commentary:
Remind me to invite you to my next pizza party, but I'll stick to local deliveries! 🍕😂🚚
76 Funny prank quotes
I let people skate. I never mention the ice is thin.
Commentary:
Just call me the world's sneakiest skating rink manager! 😄⛸️❄️
Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.
Commentary:
Peel the chair like a banana when no one's watching! 🍌👀✨
Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.
Commentary:
When you upgrade your couch to a luxury suite with just one forgotten date! 🛋️➡️🛏️😅
If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.
Commentary:
Oh yeah, my "job" is definitely a "real" career… so I'm doing just "great" 😂✌️
Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.
Commentary:
Keeping the five-star fun on the down low, one "meh" at a time. 🥴🌟📉🍻
Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.
Commentary:
Guess who just turned the family feast into a game of "Who's Secretly Swiping?" 😂📱🔍
I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.
Commentary:
Looks like you took team bonding to a whole new level 🌿😂🚬
I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.
Commentary:
Sounds like the ultimate cleaning hack! 😂🧹 Just make sure he doesn't swipe you out for a real date! 🍽️🎭
Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”
Commentary:
Cats really should get more credit; after all, they're the true CEOs of our lives! 🐱📞😂