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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,398

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

Breaking via Reddit:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

Just shared via X:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Spotted on Messenger:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Just landed via Threads:

Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Just shared via X:

Better to be an overthinker than an overdrinker.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Having kids is like having a live audience for stand-up comedy… who don't laugh at your jokes 😂🐶"

appreciate, appreciation, comparison, dog, family, humor, kids, listen, parenting, pets, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, humor, i, just, number, older
If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.

0

4 weeks ago

billionaire, humor, irony, sarcasm, thing, trust, wealth
I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

0

2 months ago

adult, being, humor, hurt, i, irony, life, love, neck, sitting, still
We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

0

2 months ago

choice, decision, funny quip, humor, quip, right, right way, suggestion, things, ways
Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

0

2 months ago

chicken, chicken nugget, chicken nuggets, comparison, craving, dog, dogs, every, food, humor, i, nugget, nuggets, pet, time, want
Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad decision, decision, decisions, humor, mistakes, recap, reflection, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, wrapped, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

40 shares on X this month:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Going viral on Threads:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Seen just now on Instagram:

We hate the same people and it’s so romantic.

Going viral on Facebook:

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨