68 funny listen quotes - Wordgag

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

May 25, 2026

ChatGPT is down right now and if you listen closely, you can hear millions of content creators screaming.

May 24, 2026

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

May 24, 2026

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

May 24, 2026

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

May 24, 2026

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

May 23, 2026

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

May 23, 2026

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

May 23, 2026

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

May 23, 2026

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

May 23, 2026

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

May 23, 2026

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

May 22, 2026

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

May 22, 2026

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

May 22, 2026

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

May 22, 2026

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

May 22, 2026

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

May 22, 2026

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

May 22, 2026

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

May 21, 2026

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

May 21, 2026

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

May 21, 2026

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

May 21, 2026

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

May 21, 2026

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

May 21, 2026

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

May 21, 2026

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

May 20, 2026

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

May 20, 2026

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

May 20, 2026

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

May 20, 2026

My neighbors listen to really good music, whether they like it or not.

May 20, 2026

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

May 20, 2026

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

May 20, 2026

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

May 20, 2026

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

May 19, 2026

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

May 19, 2026

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

May 19, 2026

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

May 19, 2026

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

May 18, 2026

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

May 18, 2026

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

May 18, 2026