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Ah, the great divide between professions! 💩 For nurses, loose stool is just another day at work, while for bartenders, it's a definite sign something went wrong with the cocktail recipe! 🍹😂 Just remember, context is everything in the world of bodily functions and mixed drinks! 🩺🍻

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

1 month ago
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I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

1 month ago
being, bugs, cold, hot, humor, i, irony, just, love, outdoor, outside, too, weather, wet, windy
For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

2 months ago
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You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

2 months ago
anger, emotions, experience, family, humor, rivalry, sibling, sibling rivalry, sister
Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

1 month ago
avoid, bacon, beliefs, diet, food, humor, i, irony, people, preference, religion
Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

1 month ago
animal, call, humor, joke, mating, noise, stomach, whale

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

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My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

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I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

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Regrettably, my children appear to have befriended a child I find annoying.

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Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

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Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

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I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

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Shared recently on Instagram:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Live now on Telegram:

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Trending via YouTube:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Seen just now on X:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

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Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

Long-distance couples be like, “I can’t wait,” and then they wait.

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?

They should invent a political party that doesn’t suck.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

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Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

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